Well...
I filed for divorce last February after agreeing terms with him. BUT, he's been extremely useless at providing the required documentation.

After a long winded process, and still not getting the requested paperwork to prove his employment claim etc, I'm cutting my losses and am just going to ask my solicitor to progress it anyway.

He can keep his money, I hope him & Paula choke on it.

Holidays are coming...

So, the playroom is having a huge overhaul to make space for whatever Santa may bring the children. The toys have got out of control.

Will hopefully get the tree today, if not, then I'll get it tomorrow.

I'm starting to feel festive :-)

Is it really possible to split amicably?

When you reach that moment when you realise that there's no going back, how can you do it without creating further upset? Is it possible?

It has come to that point where I can't envisage coming out of this separation. I've tried, but every time I think to myself "maybe I can work this out" something will happen that makes me think "thank fuck that we separated". The 'something' is usually along the lines of a little white lie told to me (I no longer have trust), an irresponsible financial decision (why is he opening another credit card when he is useless with money management? - this wouldn't bother me, but it affects my credit report as I'm associated with him due to a joint mortgage), or most commonly noticed is the emotional blackmail (which has actually been going on for years, I just never noticed until the separation) which I don't allow anymore.

Most of the time we can discuss things amicably, such as sorting out the financial issues like splitting assets & child access arrangements (which are extremely open at the moment). Unfortunately, most of the time it is amicable because he thinks we will, someday, repair our relationship & our marriage will miraculously become rosy. If I ever approach these subjects during moments when there is realisation that it is irreparable, the toys get thrown out of the pram.

But I can't go on like this. I need to move on. And if that means that I have to deal with ridiculous behaviour/attitude, or pay more for a solicitor's time because he won't be amicable, then that's the way it will have to be. It will have to get worse before it can get better.

At the moment, he realises that it is a lot easier (and cheaper) for us to reach a mutual agreement & get it signed legally to take off all the pressure & tension. But that's the problem, in a few days time he may kick off. It's one way or the other, and if I end up with a huge debt and/or solicitors bill, then so be it. Unlike him, I have financial management skills & I will dig myself out, but I am a compassionate person & I don't want to see him go down, so I'm hoping for his sake as much as mine that he will be able to do this amicably. I don't want to screw him over. Far from it. I want him to have his equal share (which, when taking his debts into consideration, will end up with me paying his debts in lieu of any equity from assets), because I have a conscience & I want a clean break as well as a clean conscience.

Here's hoping that something will click, and we can save legal fees by being agreeable.

SJB x

My kids went back to school/nursery today. Looked like loads of parents had relief on their face :-D

My house is calm once more. The neighbours must be throwing their own party in celebration!

Not long until the holiday now & I have everything in place ready for it, flight tickets, park tickets, money, ESTA's, parking etc.

I might have to put some pictures in this blog to dress it up a bit.

Here's one to start (from the holiday in 2007):

 

The Epcot ball is magnificent.

SJB x

When do the kids go back to school? I'm trying my best to keep them entertained, I really am, but they seem attracted to my office. My neighbours must be sick of me shouting "get out of my office now" when I can hear them bumbling about in there. I've tried to keep out of there myself to spend time with them, oh well.

Will be popping off to Killerton House later. Because trying to keep them under control in a wide open public space is far more fun than trying to keep them in control at home.


On a separate topic, I forgot to mention that my daughter *finally* received her Statement of Educational Needs just before the school closed for the summer, so that's all set for the new school year in September.


Not long until our Disney World trip. YAY!!! (I think I'm marginally more excited than my kids)

SJB x

Updates...

I've just realised that I don't think I mentioned any update on H. So here it is: She was discharged from mental health services in Autumn last year, so there will be no more contact with the probation service. She can do as she pleases, she can go wherever she likes, she can visit Lily's grave as often as she wishes. She can do all of that without the probation service needing to by notified.

In one way, at least there won't be any letters on updates, which always ruined my day. On the other hand, it means that the possibility of seeing her is higher, which ruins every grave visit. Mark is too ill to confront this, and I don't have legal stance really to take out an injunction, and the longer you wait, the least likely it is that a judge will grant an injunction. The other option is to remove Lily's grave, but she has been resting there since early 2006, so to disturb her after 7 years just doesn't seem right.



And to update on my daughter, the council have now decided that they will assess her for a statement. So hurdle number one has been jumped, now for hurdle 2: actually getting a statement (one that's funded too).

The sad thing is, if she was in a foster home or something similar, she would have had the help by now, but because she is in a relatively stable home (I say relatively due to the fact that her parents aren't together at this time) they just drag their feet.

All this fighting for her has made me so mentally exhausted. Every time I actually receive some form of help along the way, I mentally cry - as in I don't shed any tears, but I get the feelings that you get when you cry. As part of the assessment, she has to have an appointment with a paediatrician. This isn't an official diagnosis appointment, more of a basic assessment. I have been asking for 3 years to have a diagnosis, and finally she is getting seen in some capacity by someone. If I had been standing at the time of reading the letter my knees would have buckled. I'm hoping that the basic assessment will lead to a formal diagnosis appointment, which is usually a few hours.

Trying to get support for someone with a disability that isn't physically obvious is hard work, and something needs to be done about it. If she had been born without a leg, she would have been seen by doctors from birth and would have had some sort of aid within a reasonable amount of time. It should be the same for those with 'invisible' disabilities.

SJB x

I wish I had something exciting to write, but unfortunately I don't.

All I can comment on is that it's quite cold here, and there's a leak in my car so I'll need to investigate where it's coming from.

My son had his first haircut this week, and now he looks more like a little boy than a baby, well he IS 2 1/2 years old I suppose. :-(

My daughter had her first Brownies meeting last night and she loved it. She really enjoyed Rainbows, so I knew she would love Brownies.

Well, have to go, Seth is pestering me to play with the hand puppets, I guess my silly animal noises are just too hard to resist.

SJB x