Is it really possible to split amicably?
When you reach that moment when you realise that there's no going back, how can you do it without creating further upset? Is it possible?
It has come to that point where I can't envisage coming out of this separation. I've tried, but every time I think to myself "maybe I can work this out" something will happen that makes me think "thank fuck that we separated". The 'something' is usually along the lines of a little white lie told to me (I no longer have trust), an irresponsible financial decision (why is he opening another credit card when he is useless with money management? - this wouldn't bother me, but it affects my credit report as I'm associated with him due to a joint mortgage), or most commonly noticed is the emotional blackmail (which has actually been going on for years, I just never noticed until the separation) which I don't allow anymore.
Most of the time we can discuss things amicably, such as sorting out the financial issues like splitting assets & child access arrangements (which are extremely open at the moment). Unfortunately, most of the time it is amicable because he thinks we will, someday, repair our relationship & our marriage will miraculously become rosy. If I ever approach these subjects during moments when there is realisation that it is irreparable, the toys get thrown out of the pram.
But I can't go on like this. I need to move on. And if that means that I have to deal with ridiculous behaviour/attitude, or pay more for a solicitor's time because he won't be amicable, then that's the way it will have to be. It will have to get worse before it can get better.
At the moment, he realises that it is a lot easier (and cheaper) for us to reach a mutual agreement & get it signed legally to take off all the pressure & tension. But that's the problem, in a few days time he may kick off. It's one way or the other, and if I end up with a huge debt and/or solicitors bill, then so be it. Unlike him, I have financial management skills & I will dig myself out, but I am a compassionate person & I don't want to see him go down, so I'm hoping for his sake as much as mine that he will be able to do this amicably. I don't want to screw him over. Far from it. I want him to have his equal share (which, when taking his debts into consideration, will end up with me paying his debts in lieu of any equity from assets), because I have a conscience & I want a clean break as well as a clean conscience.
Here's hoping that something will click, and we can save legal fees by being agreeable.
SJB x
Saturday, 23 November 2013
Monday, 9 September 2013
My kids went back to school/nursery today. Looked like loads of parents had relief on their face :-D
My house is calm once more. The neighbours must be throwing their own party in celebration!
Not long until the holiday now & I have everything in place ready for it, flight tickets, park tickets, money, ESTA's, parking etc.
I might have to put some pictures in this blog to dress it up a bit.
Here's one to start (from the holiday in 2007):
The Epcot ball is magnificent.
SJB x
My house is calm once more. The neighbours must be throwing their own party in celebration!
Not long until the holiday now & I have everything in place ready for it, flight tickets, park tickets, money, ESTA's, parking etc.
I might have to put some pictures in this blog to dress it up a bit.
Here's one to start (from the holiday in 2007):
The Epcot ball is magnificent.
SJB x
Tuesday, 13 August 2013
When do the kids go back to school? I'm trying my best to keep them entertained, I really am, but they seem attracted to my office. My neighbours must be sick of me shouting "get out of my office now" when I can hear them bumbling about in there. I've tried to keep out of there myself to spend time with them, oh well.
Will be popping off to Killerton House later. Because trying to keep them under control in a wide open public space is far more fun than trying to keep them in control at home.
On a separate topic, I forgot to mention that my daughter *finally* received her Statement of Educational Needs just before the school closed for the summer, so that's all set for the new school year in September.
Not long until our Disney World trip. YAY!!! (I think I'm marginally more excited than my kids)
SJB x
Will be popping off to Killerton House later. Because trying to keep them under control in a wide open public space is far more fun than trying to keep them in control at home.
On a separate topic, I forgot to mention that my daughter *finally* received her Statement of Educational Needs just before the school closed for the summer, so that's all set for the new school year in September.
Not long until our Disney World trip. YAY!!! (I think I'm marginally more excited than my kids)
SJB x
Saturday, 19 January 2013
Updates...
I've just realised that I don't think I mentioned any update on H. So here it is: She was discharged from mental health services in Autumn last year, so there will be no more contact with the probation service. She can do as she pleases, she can go wherever she likes, she can visit Lily's grave as often as she wishes. She can do all of that without the probation service needing to by notified.
In one way, at least there won't be any letters on updates, which always ruined my day. On the other hand, it means that the possibility of seeing her is higher, which ruins every grave visit. Mark is too ill to confront this, and I don't have legal stance really to take out an injunction, and the longer you wait, the least likely it is that a judge will grant an injunction. The other option is to remove Lily's grave, but she has been resting there since early 2006, so to disturb her after 7 years just doesn't seem right.
And to update on my daughter, the council have now decided that they will assess her for a statement. So hurdle number one has been jumped, now for hurdle 2: actually getting a statement (one that's funded too).
The sad thing is, if she was in a foster home or something similar, she would have had the help by now, but because she is in a relatively stable home (I say relatively due to the fact that her parents aren't together at this time) they just drag their feet.
All this fighting for her has made me so mentally exhausted. Every time I actually receive some form of help along the way, I mentally cry - as in I don't shed any tears, but I get the feelings that you get when you cry. As part of the assessment, she has to have an appointment with a paediatrician. This isn't an official diagnosis appointment, more of a basic assessment. I have been asking for 3 years to have a diagnosis, and finally she is getting seen in some capacity by someone. If I had been standing at the time of reading the letter my knees would have buckled. I'm hoping that the basic assessment will lead to a formal diagnosis appointment, which is usually a few hours.
Trying to get support for someone with a disability that isn't physically obvious is hard work, and something needs to be done about it. If she had been born without a leg, she would have been seen by doctors from birth and would have had some sort of aid within a reasonable amount of time. It should be the same for those with 'invisible' disabilities.
SJB x
In one way, at least there won't be any letters on updates, which always ruined my day. On the other hand, it means that the possibility of seeing her is higher, which ruins every grave visit. Mark is too ill to confront this, and I don't have legal stance really to take out an injunction, and the longer you wait, the least likely it is that a judge will grant an injunction. The other option is to remove Lily's grave, but she has been resting there since early 2006, so to disturb her after 7 years just doesn't seem right.
And to update on my daughter, the council have now decided that they will assess her for a statement. So hurdle number one has been jumped, now for hurdle 2: actually getting a statement (one that's funded too).
The sad thing is, if she was in a foster home or something similar, she would have had the help by now, but because she is in a relatively stable home (I say relatively due to the fact that her parents aren't together at this time) they just drag their feet.
All this fighting for her has made me so mentally exhausted. Every time I actually receive some form of help along the way, I mentally cry - as in I don't shed any tears, but I get the feelings that you get when you cry. As part of the assessment, she has to have an appointment with a paediatrician. This isn't an official diagnosis appointment, more of a basic assessment. I have been asking for 3 years to have a diagnosis, and finally she is getting seen in some capacity by someone. If I had been standing at the time of reading the letter my knees would have buckled. I'm hoping that the basic assessment will lead to a formal diagnosis appointment, which is usually a few hours.
Trying to get support for someone with a disability that isn't physically obvious is hard work, and something needs to be done about it. If she had been born without a leg, she would have been seen by doctors from birth and would have had some sort of aid within a reasonable amount of time. It should be the same for those with 'invisible' disabilities.
SJB x
I wish I had something exciting to write, but unfortunately I don't.
All I can comment on is that it's quite cold here, and there's a leak in my car so I'll need to investigate where it's coming from.
My son had his first haircut this week, and now he looks more like a little boy than a baby, well he IS 2 1/2 years old I suppose. :-(
My daughter had her first Brownies meeting last night and she loved it. She really enjoyed Rainbows, so I knew she would love Brownies.
Well, have to go, Seth is pestering me to play with the hand puppets, I guess my silly animal noises are just too hard to resist.
SJB x
All I can comment on is that it's quite cold here, and there's a leak in my car so I'll need to investigate where it's coming from.
My son had his first haircut this week, and now he looks more like a little boy than a baby, well he IS 2 1/2 years old I suppose. :-(
My daughter had her first Brownies meeting last night and she loved it. She really enjoyed Rainbows, so I knew she would love Brownies.
Well, have to go, Seth is pestering me to play with the hand puppets, I guess my silly animal noises are just too hard to resist.
SJB x
Saturday, 24 November 2012
It's Saturday!
Well I don't know about you, but where the hell has this week (and this year) gone???
I'm beginning to think that I've bitten off more than I can chew, but in reality it's because I've not organised myself properly this week (and because I keep getting pestered by my 2 year old due to the fact that Mark is feeling unwell at the moment). Seriously considering paying for a nursery place. Once again I have put more hours into my business than I should have, so I'm revisiting my outlook calendar & my diary to book in my business time and my study time - no checking of emails unless it's booked in.
My daughter went to a birthday party today which doesn't happen very often due to the fact that she doesn't build or retain friendships very easily. That's another thing that Mark was meant to be controlling, but I ended up being the taxi so cue a wasted 2 hours of study time.
Anyway, enough of my jabbering, I need to work on my assignment for a couple of hours so that I can watch Rylan Clark's entertainment tonight, I'll sky+ it so that I can fast forward through the other (boring) acts.
SJB x
I'm beginning to think that I've bitten off more than I can chew, but in reality it's because I've not organised myself properly this week (and because I keep getting pestered by my 2 year old due to the fact that Mark is feeling unwell at the moment). Seriously considering paying for a nursery place. Once again I have put more hours into my business than I should have, so I'm revisiting my outlook calendar & my diary to book in my business time and my study time - no checking of emails unless it's booked in.
My daughter went to a birthday party today which doesn't happen very often due to the fact that she doesn't build or retain friendships very easily. That's another thing that Mark was meant to be controlling, but I ended up being the taxi so cue a wasted 2 hours of study time.
Anyway, enough of my jabbering, I need to work on my assignment for a couple of hours so that I can watch Rylan Clark's entertainment tonight, I'll sky+ it so that I can fast forward through the other (boring) acts.
SJB x
Tuesday, 20 November 2012
I'm still here.
Well, that's sure to piss some people off, I live to see another day!
Quite a lot has changed since my last post. Hubby and I have separated, which happened only a few days after my last post actually. Made me feel really ill at first, but I'm over it now. We're getting on well at the moment, so we'll see if we can make it work or not, but for the time being I'm enjoying being able to do my own thing, and watch what I want to watch without someone throwing their toys out of the pram.
Talking about watching TV...I am LOVING Rylan Clark on The X Factor. No more boring warblings from people, I can now have proper entertainment on a Saturday night. And the fact that he can actually sing OK when standing still, means that he'll be fine to record in a studio without needing loads of correction.
Trying to get the statement for my daughter (who is 7 tomorrow) is proving difficult, like everything else. I requested an assessment for a statement, and had that refused so far. When will someone help my child??? All is not lost though, she is seen by an Educational Psychologist (who is going to refer her to the neurodevelopmental team - a 12-18 month wait), and we see the Interaction & Communication team (County Autism Team) at the regular TAC (Team Around Child) meetings, so at least that's something.
On other notes...It's the 8th anniversary of Lily's death on Monday (it was her 15th birthday on rememberance Sunday), obviously it isn't as raw as it used to be, but she has left a space that can never be filled...My son has his surgery booked in for next Thursday, so I have that to contend with aswell...:-s.
So there's the gist of my life 'as it happens'. I will endeavour to update this more regularly but I'm a busy bee.
SJB x
Quite a lot has changed since my last post. Hubby and I have separated, which happened only a few days after my last post actually. Made me feel really ill at first, but I'm over it now. We're getting on well at the moment, so we'll see if we can make it work or not, but for the time being I'm enjoying being able to do my own thing, and watch what I want to watch without someone throwing their toys out of the pram.
Talking about watching TV...I am LOVING Rylan Clark on The X Factor. No more boring warblings from people, I can now have proper entertainment on a Saturday night. And the fact that he can actually sing OK when standing still, means that he'll be fine to record in a studio without needing loads of correction.
Trying to get the statement for my daughter (who is 7 tomorrow) is proving difficult, like everything else. I requested an assessment for a statement, and had that refused so far. When will someone help my child??? All is not lost though, she is seen by an Educational Psychologist (who is going to refer her to the neurodevelopmental team - a 12-18 month wait), and we see the Interaction & Communication team (County Autism Team) at the regular TAC (Team Around Child) meetings, so at least that's something.
On other notes...It's the 8th anniversary of Lily's death on Monday (it was her 15th birthday on rememberance Sunday), obviously it isn't as raw as it used to be, but she has left a space that can never be filled...My son has his surgery booked in for next Thursday, so I have that to contend with aswell...:-s.
So there's the gist of my life 'as it happens'. I will endeavour to update this more regularly but I'm a busy bee.
SJB x
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