Is it really possible to split amicably?
When you reach that moment when you realise that there's no going back, how can you do it without creating further upset? Is it possible?
It has come to that point where I can't envisage coming out of this separation. I've tried, but every time I think to myself "maybe I can work this out" something will happen that makes me think "thank fuck that we separated". The 'something' is usually along the lines of a little white lie told to me (I no longer have trust), an irresponsible financial decision (why is he opening another credit card when he is useless with money management? - this wouldn't bother me, but it affects my credit report as I'm associated with him due to a joint mortgage), or most commonly noticed is the emotional blackmail (which has actually been going on for years, I just never noticed until the separation) which I don't allow anymore.
Most of the time we can discuss things amicably, such as sorting out the financial issues like splitting assets & child access arrangements (which are extremely open at the moment). Unfortunately, most of the time it is amicable because he thinks we will, someday, repair our relationship & our marriage will miraculously become rosy. If I ever approach these subjects during moments when there is realisation that it is irreparable, the toys get thrown out of the pram.
But I can't go on like this. I need to move on. And if that means that I have to deal with ridiculous behaviour/attitude, or pay more for a solicitor's time because he won't be amicable, then that's the way it will have to be. It will have to get worse before it can get better.
At the moment, he realises that it is a lot easier (and cheaper) for us to reach a mutual agreement & get it signed legally to take off all the pressure & tension. But that's the problem, in a few days time he may kick off. It's one way or the other, and if I end up with a huge debt and/or solicitors bill, then so be it. Unlike him, I have financial management skills & I will dig myself out, but I am a compassionate person & I don't want to see him go down, so I'm hoping for his sake as much as mine that he will be able to do this amicably. I don't want to screw him over. Far from it. I want him to have his equal share (which, when taking his debts into consideration, will end up with me paying his debts in lieu of any equity from assets), because I have a conscience & I want a clean break as well as a clean conscience.
Here's hoping that something will click, and we can save legal fees by being agreeable.
SJB x
